Hello again!

Is been awhile, I birthed my
Book, blog
And literally buried it
Right after celebration
I thought I had completed
My difficult journey of
Self discovery
I found my truthful way
To life
In fact, is, quite the opposite
My own boogie monster
Always around the corner
Shooting me straight back
Into my hideout
My Undercover role
Acting as if,
My book, blog
Doesn't matter
As such,
It stayed dormant
I went on an extensive hyena lookout
Afraid, extremely scared of
???
I can't explain
I turned every angle,
Unfolded every cornerstone
I couldn't  find the source

It felt like
I fell into
The Abyss

It was very dark,
Hopeless, lifeless
Nothing left beyond

Then I simmered in
My misery
The repeated onion layers
All peels to the core
Always same issues
No matter how I metamorphosed
Is Same old same old dust
I got lonely, very much alone,
I scratched my head to its root
What is it that I am missing
My quest for truth
Was wobbling
I lost faith

Then, in a ferocious volcano
I stewed in blindness rage
Nothing anew, all old ingredients
Same old hurt, pride, distrust,....
If only I could have some new spice
Perhaps I could be more interested
Boring!
The rage was always
around the corner
Why, I don't even know!
Slightest detour and
Lava explosion!
I wrote it off as
Menopause
Knowing fully
There was more

Years went by
I rose and sank
Lava explosion or
Deep depression dives
All in my stride
My family, friends and mentors
All by my side

Now, much later
After many generations of
Phoenix ashes
I arose to
My very surprise
Such a simplistic view of life
After all this
Really?
Each moment, every
Sound, sight, smell, savour
Is God's grace!

Oh don't get me wrong
I didn't turn religious
Nor holistic
I still am
Vain, sharp tongued, short tempered
Yet
One couldn't help but to notice
Is fun, inspiring to be around me
Joy, peace, or challenged
On the receiving end
Never a dull moment,
As one thing my husband agreed

I continue my walk, my way
Wherever this takes me
I surrender

Showing My respect
Shouldering my responsibility
Sharing my relationship to living

I salute to life!

Aliette