Little did I know, there really are two sides of everything. Convincing myself of my virtues was easy on a conscious level; while accepting my vice was difficult. However, at a deeper level, surprise, surprise, it is totally opposite.
This is too complex to comprehend. I am not trying to understand; because, I know, after this extensive journey, trying to make sense out of life in a methodical manner is giving my ex-lover, ego, aka, Mighty Mouse, an excuse for a vacation. I have since waved him off to a nice retirement home. I can do without his visit these days.
After all this writing and soul searching, you would have thought acknowledging my gift as an inspirational writer, a funny storyteller, is no second thought to me. Yet, lately, I noticed, every time someone exclaimed about my accomplishment of publishing my book, my instant response is always like this:
With a lopsided stand and a shrug, I would shake my head and say “NO BIG DEAL! Anyone can write!”
What a way to discredit my work! Can you believe that?
Of the writing workshops I have taken last few years; one thing I had trouble admitting was that I was a brave woman to continue with my journey. Every time my mentor praised me for my courage, I just shrugged it off to another ‘NO BIG DEAL! Anyone could have done it! “
It’s only through last year that I came to realize, NO, IT IS BIG DEAL! I tried to share what I did on my journey with a couple of friends, and they could not further pursue their journey. The process is long, slow, painful and frustrated. It’s like walking on pebbles and thorns, and your feet get poked constantly. It really is much easier to look the other way and shy away from the truth.
YES, I AM A VERY BRAVE WOMAN!
In order to educate at my cell level about accepting and feeling the good side of me, I am starting an exercise with my support group on journaling all the good qualities of me. Thanks to my friend who suggested it first! In order to make this work, I would have to repeat this exercise for about a month, something to do with it take about 21 days to kick or develop a new habit. So, if you are shying away from receiving a compliment, I invite you to join me on this conversion exercise!!